NO. NO. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.
I HAD A DREAM ONE NIGHT. TOM HIDDLESTON STARTED TAKING PHOTOS ON HIS PHONE OF MY FRIEND AND ME FROM ACROSS A PLAYGROUND FULL OF KIDS. WHICH WAS CREEPY. THEN WE WENT TO MY HOUSE TO WATCH SOME TV. BUT SOMEONE HAD RENTED OUT THE BOTTOM FLOOR OF THE HOUSE WHERE THE TV WAS SO WE HAD TO ASK THE NEW TENNANT’S PERMISSION TO WATCH TV. GUESS WHAT. TOM HIDDLESTON. SO WE SAT DOWN ON THE COUCH TO WATCH TV. AND HE JUST CAME IN, AND SAT DOWN. WITH MY DOG. WHO WAS TRYING TO BITE HIM. AND HE JUST SAT THERE HOLDING HER AND GIGGLING. IT WAS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
When I woke up, I found I had developed an irrational fear that Tom Hiddleston was out there, somewhere, plotting to surreptitiously insert himself into my life before murdering me and assuming my identity. I’ve only just recently begun to see my new phobia for the illogical silliness that it is…
…AND THEN THIS PHOTO.
FUCKING SUCCEEDING ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE
FUCKING DACHSHUNDS ALL UP IN THIS BITCH, MOTHERFUCKERS
Bram Stoker: Dracula