I love this company already.
i’m all for boys wearing makeup mostly because if more of them got into it there’d be a bigger market and it wouldn’t cost $25 for an eyeshadow primer anymore
i can’t wait to go into the makeup aisle to get the latest man-color of guyshadow that comes in containers shaped like bullets and footballs
"Bruh I just went to sephora and got the sickest shade of eyeshadow"
"Sick dude what’s it called"
"Monster truck gas fumes"
today i was in hot topic with my mom and there was a bra with Simba on it so I asked her “want a lion king bra?” she said “why would i?” so I put it in front of my chest and said “hakuna ma tatas” she had to leave the store she was laughing so hard.
okay so imagine an au where the potters live. harry dates oliver wood briefly. james hears of this and pulls harry aside. stares him in the eye with a deadly serious face
“he’s a Keeper”
You made an entire AU that would alter almost every facet of that series
For a pun
You’re a beautiful person.
"Are you serious right now, Dad?"
"No, I’m not serious. I’m Dad. He’s Sirius."
These cats live in our office, this is where they sleep
Have you considered only one cat sleeps there, and the rest are……
Fuck you all I work at a printing press and I laughed so hard I hurt myself.
that would be a cat-scan
alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy
so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.
the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.
the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.
in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.
the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.
and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides
who you gonna call
I almost fall off of my chair when I read the comment, though.
I AM SO ANGRY AT THIS
this is such an important post
“GF IS PREGO”
"glassy, jarred look"
ok legit my only complaint about cap 2
is that after steve says “if I run in these shoes, they’re gonna fall off,” we don’t see a scene where he has to run and trips over the shoes and kicks them off in frustration and starts running around in his socks
you could say it’s…my sole problem with the film
#i’m gonna need the 1000 fics of steve and natasha shoe shopping #she keeps wanting to buy him colorful expensive basketball shoes #he keeps gravitating towards the super boring looking ones #’they’re functional natasha!!!’ #’yeah if the function u want is everyone thinking ur a giant NERD’
sometimes you see a pun so artfully constructed you just have to stand back in awe.
There is a blind man here tuning my piano and he keeps making blind jokes
quote “you know when people ring me up to ask if I can fix their piano I like to tell them i’m so good I can do it without looking”
Sometimes people ask why i became a piano tuner and i tell them its because they wouldnt let me become a pilot
There’s a dollar in my g string
THAT IS YOUR D STRING. G IS ALL THE WAY ON MY LEFT.
EXCUSE ME you uncultured swine. That IS my G string. LEFT TO RIGHT IT’S: C G D A ON A CELLO. And if you notice the dollar is wonderfully tucked in my G STRING.
DO NOT DOUBT MY SIX YEARS OF EXPERIENCE.
THEY’RE NOT CALLED VIOLINISTS THEY’RE CALLED CELLISTS
IT,WAS THE VIOLINIST THAT THOUGHT IT WAS THE WRONG STRING JESUS CHRIST
This is just one massive train wreck
String players can be a bit high-strung.