He was Suddenly Seymour.
a man steals a painting from a museum and puts it in the back of his van
he drives for three miles before he inevitably slows down and gets out, credit card and empty gas container in hand
the police come up and ask him “what are you doing? this is an arrest!”
he looks at them and says
“I need more Monet to buy Degas to make this Van Gogh!”
this is the final straw im leaving tumblr
he only did it because he had nothing Toulouse
They saw the chance and they took it.
im afraid your son is completely obsessed with birds…we cannot bring him back…im sorry…he is a lost caws
when people call you “hun”
the Ohio/ohayo pun probably dates back to an incident in 1945 where U.S. Marines deployed on occupation duty were greeted with Ohayo, wherupon the Marines began to yell out the names of U.S. States
what did baby corn say to mummy corn???
someone unfollowed me because of this joke i guess they found it too corny
why is bilbo called the burglar
why cant they call him the robbit
just bought a bunch of condoms cause i am plan to do a lot of the sex 2nite!
Those are balloons.
I couldn’t decide on one response so here are a bunch of them:
- talk about a blow job
- im going to have to inflate first
- hopefully I dont burst early
- the balloon wont be the only thing kept off the ground
- theres a party in my pants
- i might have to pump it a little first
- im gonna have pop-pop
- haha yeah
sudowoodo being a rock type was the biggest plot twist of my life
but his name is literally psuedo wood
are you fucking kidding me
Bruce Willis is probably going to keep making action movies because you know what they say about old habits
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That’s a moray.