Sweater Vests Are Cool

dannyrandy:

i can’t believe people get so angry about a bisexual spider-man. whatever. have your shitty bi/homophobic opinions. you’re an asshole anyway. i just can’t believe you’re robbing everyone of all the glorious ‘swings both ways’ jokes

tinycoke:

Autobots

My friend had to step in as the lead in Little Shop of Horrors at the last second.

wonderfullybadjokes:

He was Suddenly Seymour.

mostlypoptarts:

edwardspoonhands + cheesy jokes involving food [x]

jethrocane:

moderndonjuan:

mattsmths:

jethrocane:

a man steals a painting from a museum and puts it in the back of his van

he drives for three miles before he inevitably slows down and gets out, credit card and empty gas container in hand

the police come up and ask him “what are you doing? this is an arrest!”

he looks at them and says

“I need more Monet to buy Degas to make this Van Gogh!”

this is the final straw im leaving tumblr

he only did it because he had nothing Toulouse

marry me

dduane:

shredsandpatches:

byzantienne:

dontbearuiner:

They saw the chance and they took it.

discount tents

YES

OW.

dduane:

shredsandpatches:

byzantienne:

dontbearuiner:

They saw the chance and they took it.

discount tents

YES

OW.

merrics:

im afraid your son is completely obsessed with birds…we cannot bring him back…im sorry…he is a lost caws

slimfairy:

when people call you “hun”
image

mecha-shannon:

the Ohio/ohayo pun probably dates back to an incident in 1945 where U.S. Marines deployed on occupation duty were greeted with Ohayo, wherupon the Marines began to yell out the names of U.S. States

image

mcrenttogether:

mcrenttogether:

mcrenttogether:

what did baby corn say to mummy corn???

where’s popcorn

someone unfollowed me because of this joke i guess they found it too corny

dippyeggs:

why is bilbo called the burglar

why cant they call him the robbit 

fartgallery:

silver-the-little-monster:

fartgallery:

just bought a bunch of condoms cause i am plan to do a lot of the sex 2nite!

Those are balloons.

I couldn’t decide on one response so here are a bunch of them:
talk about a blow job
im going to have to inflate first
hopefully I dont burst early
the balloon wont be the only thing kept off the ground
theres a party in my pants
i might have to pump it a little first
im gonna have pop-pop
haha yeah

fartgallery:

silver-the-little-monster:

fartgallery:

just bought a bunch of condoms cause i am plan to do a lot of the sex 2nite!

Those are balloons.

I couldn’t decide on one response so here are a bunch of them:

  • talk about a blow job
  • im going to have to inflate first
  • hopefully I dont burst early
  • the balloon wont be the only thing kept off the ground
  • theres a party in my pants
  • i might have to pump it a little first
  • im gonna have pop-pop
  • haha yeah

onionfairy:

rushjet:

onionfairy:

sudowoodo being a rock type was the biggest plot twist of my life

but his name is literally psuedo wood

are you fucking kidding me